Thursday, April 29, 2010

Aprl 29th, 2010

when someone offers to do something nice for you
you should let them.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

April 28th, 2010


i really need to buy replacement blades for that razor.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

April 27th, 2010


he doesn't want to marry her.

he realizes it once he's proposed. he's sitting across from her at the dining room table, the dishes with remnants of the meal they've just eaten, the one he' s just cooked for her, in front of them, and he's holding the ring out, it's in his hand, suspended above the table between them, and he's staring at her, and she's smiling, that big, toothy smile of hers, so wide he can almost see her tonsils, for god's sake, and she's saying, "yes! oh, scotty, yes!" her voice is so high and he's always hated when she calls him scotty, his name isn't even scott, it's david, but he's scottish so his friends call him scotty and she just started doing it, three years ago, and he has never told her to stop, never had the heart, or the strength, and looking at her giant, wet smile and her hair, too frizzy, too shaggy, too short, (sticking up in what she thinks is a hispter cut but it's really just bad) all over her head and she's shrieking "yes! yes! i have to call juliet!" and she grabs the ring and he sees there is food on her fingers, some tomato sauce or something and she crams the ring on and she leaps up from her chair and comes around the table to kiss him with that awful, wet, too-wide mouth and he wonders, "how does one go from love to hate in only four words?" and "what the fuck am i going to do now?"

Monday, April 26, 2010

April 26th, 2010

family planning

she sees them
two children, maybe there are three,
waiting up ahead.
the tallest one is maybe nine, ten, she's holding
the hand of a smaller girl, maybe six, five
and there' one in the back, it's a boy
the one she didn't see at first,
he's in the grass behind his sisters,
squeaking blades between his fat fingers.

is there a father? she can't tell
not yet
sometimes she thinks he's there but at other times
like right now
it's just the children, their father nowhere to be found.
he's not even a memory
he's not even named
as though it will just be her and the children,
her children

but then at other times,
when the sun is bright and she's feeling well-rested,
when she's not feeling so old, so alone, so despairing
she can see him, and he's a partner, he's her partner,
and he's standing beside them, the little boy in his arms
and sometimes seeing them this way makes her heart race
with happiness
and sometimes it makes her heart ache
and she weeps.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

April 25th, 2010


your eyes are green today;
your heart afire with envy
burning through your eyes.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

April 24th, 2010

Sloppy Joes


Friday, April 23, 2010

April 23rd, 2010

yesterday was earth day but today i hate the earth

it is snowing on the earth today
and the snow is a blizzard
and the blizzard is a hazard
and the hazard is a heartache
because it's keeping me
from you

Thursday, April 22, 2010

April 22nd, 2010

sometimes the day is best left

April 21st, 2010

i have
too much
to do

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

April 20th, 2010

this is love this is love this is love

i say, name three things that i love

and you say, coffee, pizza, wood-burning.

this last one is a joke, but i don't get it,
not right away
but when i do i am laughing
because it's a good joke, yes
but also because
you know me so well
you know to make jokes
i forget
i've already made.

Monday, April 19, 2010

April 19th, 2010

you can see it starting to dissolve
and there is nothing you can do about it.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

April 18th, 2010

how many times
have i stood beside your car
the window rolled down
our foreheads pressed together
and whispered
"drive safe"
and then
"i love you"
and then watched you pull away
your hand raised
and waiving
through the back window
and then gone inside to wait out the four or five or six hour agony
for the call
that tells me you've made it home okay

April 17th, 2010


we ate pizza on our first date
do you remember? we crashed into my apartment
at 2am after that party
and you said, let's order a pizza
and it was likely then i sort of fell in love

and since then we have eaten so much pizza
in so many places
and so many moods

you could say pizza is our crust
and our love is the cheese

but that would be a bit embarrassing
so i won't.

April 16th, 2010

Thursday, April 15, 2010

April 15th, 2010

My brain is filled with stuffing
My nose is sore and raw
I am tired
I am aching

...I wish I could plagiarize.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

April 14th, 2010

your muscles are sore and aching
you feel like your heart is breaking,
you bail on work and for once you're not faking...

you know you must be sick.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

April 13th, 2010

i am writing this
during commercials

tuesday is glee and lost day

so you can't blame me, really
my creativity is all caught up
in the singing, dancing,
and time travel on screen

Monday, April 12, 2010

April 12th, 2010

there is nothing like
eating soup
and talking pornography's role in the women's movement
in a friend's kitchen
on a monday afternoon.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

April 11th, 2010

To Do Lists

they include the regular, things like
make lunch
get groceries -- and then i make a separate list, labeled groceries, so i know what to buy --
sort recycling

and sometimes i write down the names of people to call, like
call keri (sister) and keri (friend)

and sometimes it's creative nudges like
write 500 words
30 minutes of tap practice

but lately the lists have included things like
get dressed

like i'm elderly and need to remind myself how to function
as though i'm losing my mind
but that's not it
i am simply organizing my survival

it is into chaos that people dissolve

leave the house
speak to someone
other than yourself and his answering machine

April 10th, 2010

three stanzas for amber

we give you the power
we give it up
it's not a surrender, though
it's a defeat

the closer we get to love
the closer we get to fear

instead of safe
in your arms i am unsettled
instead of calm this thing is dangerous
the better it gets the worse it is

Friday, April 9, 2010

April 9th, 2010

not quite cheating

there is an cliff edge
there is a sidewalk curb
a precipice
upon which she teeters
she walks it and sometimes
gets too close to the edge

alcoholics have to stay away from bars
and she's the same

April 8th, 2010

Plastic Surgery is a Soap Opera's Best Friend

-Please help us

-I'm in this just as deep as my sister is
there's no way out


-what's that?
a woman enters, she has had reconstructive surgery in order to look like lauren
you'll never pull this off, you know why?
you don't have any class.

-get me lauren's purse. and her wedding ring.

-no, no!

-give it to me or i'll cut it off. she rips off the ring and puts it on her own finger. mind the animals, kiddies. it' time for lauren to go home.

April 7th, 2010


April 6th, 2010

catchup haiku

i have been behind
by four days for a week now
i promise to catch up

April 5th, 2010

i have been defeated
by tap dance

by the f'lap-shuffle-heel-step
by the toe-heel-toe and the
stamp cramp roll
by the sickening turns
and the twinkles
and the triple-time-steps
the chugchug backflap toe

there is a rhythm to this
i'm missing
my mind wanders during the paddle turns
and by the time i've spun out the rest of you are
leaping forward but i'm only just
ball-changing back

Thursday, April 8, 2010

April 4th, 2010

watching the CBC news

Bob MacDonald:
Two fossilized skulls
were found --
a mother and son --
they only lived two million years ago
in South Africa
and now we don't know
how we went there from there to here.

Peter Mansbridge:
I don't know. They kind of look like hockey masks to me.

Bob MacDonald:
Thank you, Peter.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

April 3rd, 2010

Heart Ache

she says, "my chest hurts", and it does--
an ache that begins deep in the muscle,
sort of off to the side,
and she presses her hands into herself, doubled over, and sits.

"I'm just going to wait it out, you guys have fun," and she watches the dancing
from the sidelines, in her chest this hot, heavy weight

she spent all afternoon in emerg,
where they did everything
(x-rays and blood work and someone hooked her up to a monitor and they watched her heart beating regularly, like, well, like a heartbeat) but they learned nothing, they said it was nothing

and they sent her home

but the truth is,
the one she didn't share with them
is that her boyfriend
her great, galumphing boyfriend,
the one who'd taken her grandmother for lunch, the one who held her purse when she used public washrooms, the one who filled her freezer with ice cream that time she fought with her sister, the one who would bite the back of her neck at just the right time
he'd left her

"i just don't think i'm ready to commit", he'd said, as though committing were a choice, as though committing weren't something he'd been doing since the first night he'd gotten her number and said, "I'll call you" and then he called.

"after four years", she whispers and the ache in her chest expands, the heat of it fills her up and pushes up her throat and fills up her mouth, her eyes, until it is streaming out of her in gasps, in tears, and the rest of them keep dancing while her hands, pressed to her pain, try but fail to keep it all inside...

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

April 2nd, 2010

That Year When You Were The Department Chair And I'd Just Figured Out Death

When I was seven
or eight
and couldn't sleep
I'd find you in the living room
sleepless, too

you would let me sit up with you
in the darkness
you in a beige bathrobe and me in pyjamas
we'd sit
close to the television, our chairs pulled up
to the tiny set
like we were peering into a crystal ball or
some kind of secret
and you would drink scotch
and i would drink milk
from a scotchglass
and we'd wait for the danger to pass

Monday, April 5, 2010

April 1st, 2010

April Fools

He has two lips for kissing
when he's saying good night,
Two arms for holding
you to his chest, tight

Two eyes for gazing
on you with abandon
Ten fingers entwining
whatever they land in

Your one heart's for giving,
"I love you," you say.
His two ears for hearing,
his two feet for running away...

Friday, April 2, 2010

March 31st, 2010

every day of this
is a trip to a foreign land

i don't know your customs and you are struggling to adapt to mine
in these early days
it is so easy to offend you
and i misinterpret so much

our unfamiliarity with this whole other country
it gets us into trouble
and yet we are learning to love
this other place
we visit
each time we meet

March 30th, 2010


walking dogs
dropping easter eggs filled with messages and promises and stories along broadway for passersby to discover
tap dance
the young and the restless

Thursday, April 1, 2010

March 29th, 2010

March in Saskatchewan

Rip the plastic off the windows,
Rake the dust from the front lawn.
Find a shovel,
Turn the compost,
Because winter's nearly gone.

Raise the blinds and open curtains,
Extra blankets in a stack.
But keep your
long johns handy --
Because winter's almost back!