June 7th, 2010

i am actually pretty pleased with the young and the restless lately

victor has gone to canada
ottawa, specifically,
and i love it:

in this interpretation
canada is full of thugs
in a seedy bar
we drink tequila, not beer,
and no one is wearing a toque

the knifefights on the dock
are refreshing
and entirely in english.

either the writers are progressive
or couldn't give a damn

June 6th, 2010

i am trying not to run away

he holds himself rigid on the sofa,
still in his pyjamas
his coffee not yet cool on the small table beside him

this was a relaxed morning with a newspaper and
sunday morning love
until they started arguing
about something small
but it wasn't small
it was a metaphor for something huge
and the tears
and the pacing
and the but you aren't listening
and the i am trying so hard
and the where do we go from here?

these things happen
like minor earthquakes, like smaller tsunamis
they come out of nowhere and suddenly
everything changes
shifts occur

june 5th, 2010

don't believe them.

June 4th, 2010

i read him a story about a duck who loses his mother
and his eyes grew wide
and his feet stopped moving
and he stared at me for a long, long time

until all the pages were turned
and each picture examined
until the ducks were reunited
and the picturebook closed
and the he raised his hands (one still encased in a splinted cast)
and clapped
slowly
steadily
like this was the world's best opera
and he was in the front row

if he hadn't already been on his feet
he would have stood up
and if he'd had language
he would have shouted "encore!"

June 3rd, 2010

you spend forever waiting for this to happen
and when it does
you wonder when it is going to end

nights on the couch
or
lying in bed
or doing dishes
or this
or that
and you are waiting for life to grab you by the scruff of the neck, shake you awake and remind you that this is the thing you wanted

question: so why are you wasting it?

answer:
a)because you secretly hate yourself
b)because you openly hate yourself
c)because you don't deserve it
d)because you deserve better
e) all of the above/none of the above

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

i am trying to do this thing for you.
it's not a big deal.
just, you know, save your life.

it's nothing, really.
really. don't mention it. it makes me blush.
self-conscious that i'm your saviour.
like, that i'm saving you before you get any worse.

i know you think you are fine with everything, i know you dont think you need saving
and that's partly what makes this so satisfying.
like, i want to see the expression on your face when you wake up and realize
i've changed everything
everything about you
and realize you like yourself so much better because
you're not you anymore
you're me.

and i will tell you what to do
and you will listen
and i will have saved you
from yourself.

June 1st, 2010

i have spent
every morning
reading tea leaves
looking for news
of you

i have read coffee grounds
my horoscope
and yours
the entrails of a deer i found
by the side of the highway
on my way to your house

you weren't there

i made a pot of tea
with clippings from your lawn
and some leaves, crumpled, fallen from a tree
in your front yard
and looked and looked and looked in the wild for you